Wednesday, 11 March 2009

Filey Parish: Blogging For Lent- Sorry, it's late!

I am frightened because I haven't posted this blog on time. Is this a rational or an irrational fear? I suppose I'll find out if it's a rational fear when people start to complain, or hit me over the head with a blunt instrument! Fear is a flight response and can be triggered by many different kinds of things. We can be frightened of being eaten by wild animals (Maybe not in Filey... having said that, you haven't met my dog!), frightened of being reprimanded, of doing something different, of not doing something different, of underachieving, of letting people down (My current fear), of responsibility (Simon's lifeboat scenario), of.... the list goes on and on. Yesterday I had a fright when people started to disagree with me at the Lent group about something which I thought I understood. I defended my point of view, but to no avail. I left confused and, I have to admit, a little angry and disappointed. I felt that I had tried to be honest and been punished for it; like a schoolboy having had his knuckles rapped. Will I have the courage to face the group again, or shall I give in to the fear of further disapproval? I don't know! My greatest fear at the moment (And over the past eighteen months) is of far more consequence- the fear of giving my life to God completely. I am beginning to suspect that this will never happen and am starting to resign myself to being a 'lukewarm Christian'. Is it just fear that holds me back or is it because I have too many doubts? Or is it simply because I don't know how to? It seems an incredibly dangerous thing to be contemplating anyway. I'd rather jump off a bridge!

1 comment:

  1. This a comment from Mary!
    Peter if you are a 'luke warm' Christian then there is not much hope for the rest of us!

    ReplyDelete

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